I’ve been on this planet now for 38 revolutions around the sun. A lot has happened over that period, but at the same time, sometimes it feels like nothing has happened at all and I’ve been treading water all this time. And now, I’m married with two kids, and I spend much of my time in a thankless job trying to sell technology in a highly competitive market. In other words, I’m an average person just trying to exist alongside a bunch of other average people. It can be tough at times.
Now, sitting alone in my office on the 27th floor of Melbourne’s Rialto South Tower, I’m coming to realise that I need to find myself again — and so I undertake this journey of self-discovery.
Fifteen years ago, single and living in Tokyo, I knew who I was, and what I wanted to do with myself. Sure, oftentimes that was “party” or “drink,” but life was uncomplicated and I was young. Five years later I was married and living back in Melbourne — I suddenly thrust myself into the adult world of work and responsibility. I’ve done well to get where I am today, but I lost a little of myself along the way.
Perhaps that’s not the right description as to how I feel right now. More accurately, I’d suggest that for the last 10 years or so, I’ve tried to pretend to be something I wasn’t, and it’s as a result of all this pretence that I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.
What was I pretending to be, exactly? Well, I’m not sure of that either. In fact, I think I’ve tried to be so many things over the years — some conflicting — that it defies explanation. So I guess what I’m trying to do here is rediscover myself by way of … well … trying to BE myself, and putting these thoughts to “virtual paper.” The written medium is not dead — or perhaps I just don’t have the face and voice for YouTube.
It’s funny, you know — I’ve come here to try to get away from what I hate about Twitter and Facebook (which in my opinion have become more about people trying to make themselves look almost superhuman) in order to selfishly impose my opinion on the world. It’s ironic, but it is what it is. I need to purge to heal my soul — or at least I think I do.
So what’s my angle? To be honest, I don’t really have one. I feel like I’m about to enter a transition period career-wise, so some posts might cover my thoughts around my hopes and failures in that regard. A second major change in my life is the loss of my father, who passed away due to cancer in August 2016, and I’m sure I’ll have things to say about that when I’m ready…
But for the most part, I’ll probably just cover my interests — music, technology, comics, TV, videogames.. Mostly videogames. Probably 90% videogames.
For years, I tried to work my way into the videogame industry. I started my own blog in 2008, and later joined Stevivor as a Staff Writer, soon working my way to Features Editor. Short on time, I left Stevivor to help a friend start Another Dungeon, where I acted as the primary Editor for the site. During this time, I followed a bunch of sites, befriended a bunch of other like-minded individuals, and generally tried to “be one of them.”
But I’m not one of them. I came to find that most sites today, as good as many of them are (and I still read them on a daily basis) — they’re all the same (no disrespect intended to my friends at Stevivor and Another Dungeon, of course). They all post the same news, much of which matters little in the grand scheme of things, but I guess it’s what much of the gaming public wants (they are nothing if not voracious consumers of information). Even the reviews themselves all seem to toe the same old line… Different reviewers, different writing styles, but almost identical reviews (don’t get me wrong, I’m not accusing anyone of plagiarism, I’m simply suggesting reviews — and even opinions themselves — have become somewhat rote these days).
On the other hand, there are the “serious” critics. These are the guys that pride themselves in being (what they believe to be) objective. They believe that a game can be described in terms of mechanics, that every aspect of a game can be analysed and scrutinised, and that, ultimately, their final word on a game review is gospel. These are the types of people that constantly argue on Twitter — cheerily debating the popular opinion, and cleverly decrying alternate opinions as simply being wrong.
These “serious” critics are the ones that annoy me the most. They are the main reason I slowly backed away from things. I wasn’t one of them. I hated most of what they had to say, because in the end, it’s all just opinion anyway. So they are the ones I unfollowed in a major Twitter cull I enacted in November of 2016. And I feel so much better for it.
So now, I want to combat some of that bullshit — because that’s what it is. It’s posturing, and a lot of the time, it’s more intimidating than it should be. For months now (maybe even years?), I’ve shied away from taking part in the conversation for fear that my opinion might be “wrong.” And maybe it is? But so what — now I want to make myself heard. Maybe no-one will read any of what I have to say, but that’s no big deal. I’m doing this more for myself anyway.
So follow me if you want a different look at a number of different topics (but mostly videogames). For the most part, I’ll probably post when something on the Internet grinds my gears, or maybe I’ll jut post when I feel like I need to get something off my chest. Again, I’m looking for this to be a way for me to rediscover myself, so I plan to be honest and open, and above all — myself.